Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Apostle of California

There are those who say to not voice one's thoughts and emotions on the Internet, I say those are the words of Fear and Paranoia.
Do what thou wilt, for Love is the Law.
Yesterday did not start well; a two mile walk to take a lot of rubbish photos from which the best is "bedtime for Schoolbuses" and I had nothing to contribute to an otherwise interesting evening of conversation among friends.
Then at midnight I noticed the light glistening on the statue of Fray Junipero Serra who watches over the 8 grade school opposite the apartment, the Apostle of California reputedly walked more than 24,000 miles in his lifetime!
Pattern becomes fixed in the morning ritual; beginning with the clear away of bedding followed by breakfast of watermelon to clear the mouth, toast and marmalade to bulk the stomach with sugars and carbohydrates, finishing with the tools of thought while standing on the balcony: strong creamy coffee and tobacco.
Life, as with travel, is about the journey, not the destination. I became bored with the journey of family, no longer new or fulfilling, having lost interest in the repeating pattern of daily chore I had nothing more to offer the dynamic of mother and children, work and home. The routines became my own perceived prison of the soul, from which no techniques of relaxed awareness and understanding could escape me. I quote the Mexican philosopher Octavio Paz: "Whoever builds a house for future happiness builds a prison for the present".

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